荒唐 absurd

4点45分，地点是在录音室。忘了是谁站在我旁边，只知道我是在等着錄音師剪接。.
It's 4.45, I was in the studio. forgot who is the person who stand beside me, just remember that I am waiting the sound engineer to finish the mixing.

它，又回来了。已经忘记最后一次想起它的感觉。
It's back, the feeling of 'him' its back again, and its been a while that I did not met him.

我站在原地，眼神放空了。在想，我为什么会在这里？到底是为了什么？为什么我会认识到旁边的这些人？为什么我会注定的站在这里，做着这份工。在多少个为什么，问题还是一样，为什么我会活在这个世界上？
I stand still, with no expression on my face. Thinking, why am I standing here, for what? why will I know these people standing beside me? why am I fated to stand here, work here? but no matter how many 'why' I ask, there's only why, that I live in this world?

记得我在墨尔本留学时，拿了科哲学系。其中一课就是说到absurd。是有点吓到因为我以为以前那种感觉只有我一个人有。所谓的有就是，荒唐=absurd。我不知道要怎样去解释，因为这不是说一个blog的文章，几行字，几句话就能解释的。但如果你也有过这种感觉，我不必多说，你会明白我想说的。
Remember that I took philosophy course when I was still studying in Melbourne. One of the chapter its about absurd. I was surprise because I thought I am the only one who have that kind of feel, absurd. I dont know how to explain because this cant be explain by a post that in the blog, few sentences or few words. But if you ever have this kind of feeling before, I dont need to say a words but you'll know.

其实到底是为什么？为什么我们得活在这世上呢？对我来说，就是等死吧。反正上天已经把我们的路都铺好了。但我说这句话并不代表叫大家不必努力或什么的，就只是本人的感觉。
But why? why we are living in this world? For me, its just waiting to end our life. Since God has planned our life, although saying this does not mean that I am trying to demotivate you all, just my feeling.

说了有什么意义呢？其实是没有的。就像明明知道这是什么感觉，但却没有办法去解决。
But what is the meaning of saying this out? Actually there's no meaning.　Just like I know what is the feeling, but I dont have the solution.