Thursday, September 10, 2009

wrong path of my life

when it comes to choose between 2, I'm sucks at it. Not to have the excuse that I'm a typical Pisces, but as u can see the icon, they swim 2 different ways right, that's how and what I am feeling whenever I have to make a decision, between 2 things. and whichever decision had made, they will go the extreme way.

I seriously hate to make a decision, no matter what it is, example choosing from either Maybelline mineral make up foundation or L'oreal's one. I've used both before, both are not bad, but L'oreal are RM10 more expensive that Maybelline, with 2g more. Without forcing by my fren, I guess I will spend like hours to decide on that (which I actually went to see the exact thing for twice d)

Sometimes I really hate myself. Cause in this world, people wont wait for you, or forgive you by what you did. I hate myself because I always take forever to make decision, I just somehow need a bf that will guide my life, can make decision for me. Its not that I cant be independent, but I just prefer, really prefer that everything, I can depends on this guy. but another is the point that I hate myself for being too controlling sometimes on my own life.

Ya, too controlling. I know it sounds stupid cause I said I prefer a guy that can take care of my life, in a way my life have to be...control by him. But yea, to be a good decision maker, or at least someone can make decision wise, I brainwash myself to be someone know what I am thinking and doing.

At the end of the day, I either have to choose someone that is good in making decision, somehow an ego woman; or the typical 'dumb' woman that rather let the bf control everything of yours.

I really hate my life now. I used to have someone guide me in my life, but yet did not control too much of my life. I dont feel stupid where I felt I am so stupid now. Having no sense, no goal, no thinking. I used to think so much, I love that, not like now. I have no more imaginations or whatsoever things that I used to have that appears in my brain now. I'm just so dead...DEAD!! just like what I wrote in my msn nick...

Dead will be the best word to describe my life now, not sure all the imaginations or stuff that I used to think have gone is it because the influences of my working life...even now I am writing this, I have no structures, no points, no whatsoever....The only thing I know now is that I really need to stand up, and get out of my life now...I really need to know what I am doing and take control of my own life...*finger cross*

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